Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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