Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
