so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize