Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
