What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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