Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize