two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
