she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
