is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
