my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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