these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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