She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Your dad touched me again.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dicks are not precious.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
