What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
