Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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