i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
