okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
