i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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