I hope mine doesn't look like that
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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