i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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