NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize