This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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