Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
