I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize