come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
