First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
