Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
