found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I lost the right to judge tonight
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
