I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
