if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
