Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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