Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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