your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
