do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
