THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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