He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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