i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
