I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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