The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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