i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
