Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
