THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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