I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
soo... how was my night?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
