you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
