I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
