Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
