were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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