I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
