If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
