i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He did a backflip because drugs
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
