wat bout pragnant strippers??
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
