I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
