you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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