i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
