my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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