Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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