i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
