If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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