i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
