Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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