how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
