You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
