Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
