i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just found puke in my bra..
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize