Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
