Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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