I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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