quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
