Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
