yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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