i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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