her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
