Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
