went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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