The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
