can we get nightvision for the apartment?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
